Cascading Tears
by imhotncold
Summary: "It happens almost every night. It's an every day routine that makes me sick to my stomach. I would remember the painful memories and I would think to myself, "God, this hurts". My eyes would become watery all of the sudden and without me realizing it, hot tears would run down my cheeks like cascading waterfall." Botan's POV.


**Cascading Tears**

Story by: imhotncold

_**Summary:**_**_"It happens almost every night. It's an every day routine that makes me sick to my stomach. I would remember the painful memories and I would think to myself, "God, this hurts". My eyes would become watery all of the sudden and without me realizing it, hot tears would run down my cheeks like cascading waterfall."_** _**Botan's POV. **_

**Chapter 1**

_**Akiyama Botan. Age sixteen(currently). Born on May 27th at 5:55 AM.**_

_Sometimes I wish I could die. _

_Just to get rid of the pain of remembering the sorrowful, painful memories that I try to lock in my heart._

_This is shit._

_My life is full of shit._

* * *

**_January 1st._** _**Age thirteen.**_

My blue-haired ponytail bounced, amethyst eyes sparkling in delight as the words came out from my rosy lips in a cheerful, peppy tone:

"Hi, it's nice to meet you! My name is Akiyama Botan, and I'm a transfer student from Osaka."

I bowed cheerfully and my lips turned upwards in a big smile, "I hope we have a nice year!"

_It was a whole new, different semester at a different school. I had transfer from Osaka to Tokyo for one reason: I wanted to turn over a new leaf. _

_I had a few -no, scratch that- a lot of bad experiences at my old school. I made mistakes and in the end, I had regrets. I guess you could count this as running away from the past as I'm now here at Tokyo and not Osaka, at my old school. _

_So, I did._

_I ran away. I moved to Tokyo._

_I decided to start a new life here._

* * *

I was cheerful, witty and got along with pretty much everyone in class.

But, my closest friends at the time were the bright and cheerful brown-haired girl named Koto, the easily-scared Juri, the easy-going Shizuru and the soft-spoken Yukina. We were very close. The five of us were so inseparable. We hung out together all the time and no one in class was sure there was even a time when we weren't seen together.

Although there were also times we fought with each other(most of the times over misunderstandings), we always work it out.

There were hardly any negative emotions between us and we always liked each others company.

_Of course, not until..._

**_February 15th_****. _Age thirteen._  
**

It was Koto's birthday.

The four of us planned a surprise party for her. I came from a family of money so they counted on me to buy all the stuff needed for the party(except for Yukina probably, she didn't say anything and just stared quietly as Juri and Shizuru kept persuading me).

They(note:they) also decided that my house was the most suitable place to held the party at(but, I couldn't get rid of the feeling that they just wanted it to be at someplace big, as my house was huge).

So now, I was sitting here at my _kotatsu_ where I decided to put all the food and drinks on. I had decorated the house all by myself without the others' help(except for Yukina, as she was so sweet and dear enough to come over to my house to help me decorate).

I was hurt really.

For the first reason, the money. I knew my family was rich so money was hardly a problem to me, and it wasn't like I didn't want to pay, but I just hoped that all of us(the four of us, not including Koto as it was her birthday) would pay for them together. Instead, I was supposed to pay for everything.

And second, the fact that they didn't even come to help me even though I wasted a lot of my money just to pay for the decorations, presents(weren't they supposed to pay for the presents themselves?), the cake, _everything_!

I was hurt, but I ignored it.

I didn't want us to fight over something so little like this, so I just kept quiet and put a smile on my face.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock at my door and I instantly knew it was them. I stood up and went to open the door. I turned the doorknob, and I was greeted with the sight of Juri and Shizuru covering Koto's eyes with both of their hands. And for a moment I thought about how exaggerating that scene looked(I mean, I knew that they didn't want Koto to know about the surprise party but covering her eyes with _four hands _is a bit exaggerating, don't you think?).

But, I just kept that to myself and let them in.

"What the hell are you guys doing? I can't fucking see what's in front of me!" Koto shouted in annoyance as she tried to pry their hands off her face but Juri and Shizuru just kept them there until Shizuru told Koto to sit.

Koto's eyebrows furrowed, "What are you guys trying to do to me? You're not going to rape me, are you?" she asked stupidly, and the two girls who held their hands to her face stared at her as if she just grew two heads.

Yukina giggled at her words and I laughed maniacally, "Koto, honey! Relax, we're not going to rape you," I said, "why would we do that?"

I saw her grin(that usual big ear-to-ear grin she always have on her face) and laughed at herself. After she was finished laughing, she said in a serious tone and I saw that the frown was back on her face, "So, can I open my eyes now?"

Juri and Shizuru looked at each other before looking at me and Yukina, and putting their hands away.

Koto opened her eyes slowly, and blinked a couple of times to get the weariness out of her eyes.

Once she saw what the presents, the food and the decorations, it took her a moment to realize what this was. She rubbed her eyes and blinked again, probably wondering if it was her hallucination.

Then, her lips turned upwards into a big grin.

"Oh my God, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you soooo much!" she said, there was so much excitement in her eyes that I couldn't describe how excited she was at the time.

And I didn't know why, but I had hope that the girls would mention about how hard I work for this but instead they(Juri and Shizuru) kept saying stuff like, "yeah, we did all of this," and, "glad you like it" as if they were the one who did all this.

I couldn't help but frown at this and Shizuru seemed to realize that I was when I heard her say, "What are you frowning for, Botan? Today's Koto's birthday and you're putting that ugly look on your face," she scolded, her mouth in an almost evident frown.

Juri decided to continue, "Yeah! Cheer up, girl! You're gonna get old if you keep that up," she joked and both her and Shizuru laughed.

I felt like crying.

I felt like running into my room and cry my eyes out.

But then I remembered it was Koto's birthday, it was her special day, so I shouldn't cry in front of every one, especially in front of her.

So, I lied, "Oh, nothing. I thought I forgot something important."

Juri and Shizuru stared back and forth at me and each other before they burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. "Why so serious, Bo?" Juri said between laughs. I forced my lips to turn upwards into a bright smile and I choked out a forced laugh to make them think I wasn't the least hurt over their comments.

Koto and Yukina didn't think it was funny, though.

Yukina frowned at the both of them before diverting her eyes at me and giving me a sympathetic smile, feeling a little sorry for me. And I guess she was also furious at Juri and Shizuru at the time as I saw the anger in her usually soft crimson eyes.

Koto tilted her head at me, a worried expression on her face as she stared at me and mouthed, "what's wrong?"

I forced a smile and shook my head to reassure her and mouthed back, "nothing".

* * *

Juri was the first to leave(she had a curfew at 7:00 o'clock) followed by Shizuru(who got a call from her house, probably an emergency) and she hurried home without even saying goodbye.

Koto was about to stand up and go for the door but then, she looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and a worried look in her eyes and she asked, "Are you sure you're alright, Botan?"

I nodded my head cheerfully, almost too cheerfully, and forced out a reply, "Yep! I'm fine."

My eyes were watery the whole time the party was held but, every time I felt like tears were about to come out, I'd either excuse myself for the bathroom or rubbed my eyes harshly to stop the tears from running down my face.

And now, I'm lying to my friend.

She sat back down and held my hand in hers, gripping it a few times before saying, "I don't think you are."

"No, seriously. I'm fine," I said defensively, trying hard not to say anything that I would regret later on.

She looked at my face for a moment, her eyes staring deeply at me then she said, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I gulped at that, and I felt the tears trying to come out then.

I didn't want to cry in front of her so I breathed in heavily and close my eyes for a few moments before forcing out a hoarse reply, "Yep," then I breathed again and put on my cat face, "I'm your bubbly Botan! I'm fine. I've never felt this good my entire life!"

I actually wanted to say, "I've never felt this horrible my entire life"...

But, I stopped myself.

Yukina was still there, watching the whole scene unfold in front of her own eyes and for a moment, my amethyst eyes locked with her crimson eyes.

And I saw confusion.

She was confused.

The sweet, soft-spoken Yukina was confused why I was lying to Koto.

But, she didn't say anything.

She kept her mouth shut and she refrained herself from letting out any words.

And she just watched quietly as Koto and I exchange a few more words with Koto pressuring me to tell her what was wrong and me denying and saying that I was alright (even though I wasn't).

Finally, after what seemed like long, torturing hours to me, Koto left.

Then, it was quiet.

Silence.

It continued to stay silent as Yukina helped me clean up everything. An uncomfortable silence. It was silent as she picked up the pieced of birthday wrappers and it was silent when I collected the dishes and cleaned them.

And now, it was still silent as we threw everything(plastic bags, leftovers, etc) into the garbage can outside my house.

After we were finished cleaning, I had thought that Yukina would head home but instead, she stayed, sitting at my _kotatsu_. Staring at the ground with a blank expression on her face.

I was about to sit down, too, when she suddenly said, "Why did you lie to her?" Her voice was low and barely audible but I could hear it very clearly.

I was quiet for a moment as I stared at her quietly. Her face was covered by her bangs and I saw her body shaking, probably from anger.

Was she angry at me for lying to Koto?

I gulped slowly then I said in a hoarse voice, "It was for the best".

I waited for her to say something but it didn't seem like she was going to say anything as her mouth didn't open even for one second after my sentence.

The silence wasn't good for me as the memories of that evening began to flood into my head, making my eyes water again.

I let out a sigh, putting both my hands on the table and clasping them together before laying my forehead on them, trying to hide my watery eyes from Yukina's eyesight.

And I closed my eyes, waiting for the moment for my eyes to dry so I could open them again.

I waited, and waited.

Then, I heaved a sigh.

And I felt the tears beginning to dry and I opened my eyes again.

I was greeted by the sight of a frowning Yukina and a mix of confusion and anger in her eyes as she stared at me and spoke, "What do you mean "for the best"?" she asked confusedly, though I noticed a hint of anger and frustration in her voice as those words came out from her sweet mouth.

And I smiled.

I didn't know why but I did.

I smiled.

This surprised Yukina as she stared wide-eyed at me and her mouth opened a little. But then she looked down to her hands, then I saw the sight that greeted me before: Yukina's face covered by her bangs.

She stayed that way for a few seconds before getting up from the _kotatsu _and said in a low voice, "I'm leaving. See you tomorrow, B."

I watched her as she dragged her feet to the door.

Then, I closed my eyes.

And I heard the door slam.

And that was when the tears that I was trying to hold back ran down my cheeks.

Hot, warm tears.

At that moment, I regretted agreeing to their stupid plans.

I regretted lying to Koto.

And for the first time since we were close friends, I hated their company.

I couldn't stand watching their faces and listening to them talk and laugh happily, as if my feelings were little things and it didn't matter.

They treated me like I was a robot.

The thought made my heart ache.

I cried so hard that before I knew it, my eyelids felt heavy and I fell into a deep slumber.


End file.
